she was so not down for the gang bang
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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