I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize