It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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