True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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