he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
