the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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