Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
