I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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