An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
