This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
