I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize