I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
