i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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