I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
