Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
