well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
