I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
