And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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