how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
