He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
