All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
