you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
