I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize