I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
