He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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