Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
