You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
