what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
