i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
