I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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