I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
