So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
