OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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