Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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