Betty ford says i'm here all night
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
