3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
did you just send me my own nude
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
