its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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