I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Blood and glitter go together right?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
