Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
