I'm gonna have a badass scar
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
