I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
