I showed him my bush... on skype.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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