Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
