Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
