How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize