worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
