I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
