I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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