Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
