Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
