google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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