I just made out with a guy for $7.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
