You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize