You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
