Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Floor bacon is actually really good
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
