i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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