i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
