this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
