I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize