wakey wakey hands off snakey
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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