I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
