Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
