Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
