I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
