What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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