How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
