So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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