Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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