I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
