my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
