if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
