I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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