nut hugger
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
