he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
