so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
