Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
