I think i peed on brittanys purse
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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