my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
