Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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