Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
