just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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