True but thats because hes a fetus.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
