Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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