i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
