Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
