I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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