just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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