Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize