Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
