haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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