I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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