Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
