After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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