Just fell off a train. Bad.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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