i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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