You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
